In The Bag

I'm probably dating myself by admitting this, but the first thing I thought of when I got tagged by Karen to do this post was Ally Sheedy's character in The Breakfast Club, unloading her bag-lady purse in front of the other Breakfast Clubbers, inviting them into her world of basketcase misfittedness, compulsive lying, and excessive eye makeup. (OK, it was actually the second thing; the first thing I thought was, "How cool! I got tagged by somebody! Now that sounds like a lot more fun than working on this here writing assignment....")

By the way, have you seen Ally Sheedy in the film High Art yet? Outstanding.

So, here's what's lurking inside my $9.99 Old Navy purse (which I wish I would have bought five of, had I only known how great it would serve me--with its comfortable yet stylish strap, oversized main cargo bay and hot pink interior--over the last six months):

• A VIP postcard invitation to my friend's sister's new store's Grand Opening Celebration
• A black reporter's notebook given to me after I spoke at the Journalism Association of Community Colleges state conference in LA this spring
• Six pens
• An Optimus 2-Speed Micro-37 Microcassette Recorder and tape, just in case I have to conduct an impromptu interview
• One hairbrush
• Two hair clips to get my annoying hair out of my face, already
• Four tampons and one panty liner, all kept in a nearly 20-year-old Christian Dior silver beehive print mini cosmetics bag given to me by the very fancy mother of an ex-boyfriend, which I keep largely because of its retro, 80s-logo fanciness
• My expired passport, issued on April 10th, 1989, which I pulled out of my parents' safe deposit box. I'm 19 in the photo, have horribly peroxided '80s hair, and no idea yet about the mindblowing things I'm about to see and do on a two-month backpacking trip through Europe
• One size 4 Huggies diaper *
• A two-ounce container of Verbena scented de-luxe luxury body creme that I bought on a whim while grocery shopping at Ralphs
• One pair of Stussy sunglasses **
• One pair of Spy sunglasses **
• A single penny
• A travel pack of WetOnes Antibacterial Thick Moist Towelettes in Fresh Scent (that expired, now that I look closely at them, back in April 2005) *
• My wallet/checkbook holder, which never closes properly--not because there's so much money in there that it can't be contained, but because I've managed to stuff a "slim" solar-powered calculator in the change purse that sets everything off kilter
• A single tube of flavored Bloom lip gloss that's no fewer than six years old
• A miniature Chap-Ice key lime lip balm that John brought home for Finn from the dentist but I had to take away from him after I found him eating it like candy

So now, in the interest of passing the meme torch, I tag Shannon, Pat, Jody and Samantha. And no, gals, this doesn't make us bag ladies.

* When Finnegan was just a baby, I seemed to have my shit together a little more in the parent-on-the-road department. I would never have left the house with just a diaper in my bag, like I often do now with Shea. I would have had at least five diapers, 20 wet wipes, a few plastic bags with which to considerately dispense any, uh..., offensive offerings, diaper rash cream, the works. My bag would have been stuffed and it would typically take me three times as long to get out the door each day, but I'd have been prepared, man.

** My mom is probably laughing hysterically at the fact that I still have not one, but both pairs of sunglasses she gave me for Christmas last year. I am, admittedly, the worst at keeping sunglasses on or near my person and can no longer in good conscience own expensive eyewear because I inevitably lose them. These were purchased at a parking lot sale with the full disclosure that I would probably not have them six months from then. Now that I've written about this, I'm sure to lose them both in the next week or two.