"F" Is For Faker

Last night at the dinner table, just moments after Grandma Emely's departure:

Finn: WAAAAAAA!!!! (Sob, Sob) I want Graaaaaaaaaaaaandma! I want Graaaaaaaaaaaaandma!

Karin: It's ok, Finney. You'll see Grandma tomorrow.

Finn: WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want Graaaaaaaaaaaandma to go home! I want Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaandma to stay here! (Tremble, Tremble, Sob, Sob)

Karin: Grandma had to go home to take care of her house. Let's have some dinner now. You'll feel better after you eat.

Finn: WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I want Graaaaaaaaaaandma! (Dramatic, tortured breathing, more sobbing)

Shea: (Now picking up on the general tone of the room and wanting to be a full participant) Wwwwwwaaaaaaaaaa!

Karin: Here, Finney, try some of these mini corn dogs. But be careful, they're a little hot still. Eat your apple slices first.

Finn: IIIIIIIIIIII.......WAAAAAAAAAAAAANT..........MY......... GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDMA.............. (Takes his first bites of food)

Shea: (A little louder than before) WWWWAaaaaaaaaaa!

Finn: I want my Graaaaaaaaaaandma. (Nibble, nibble) I want my Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaandma. (Whimper, whimper) I want my Graaaaaaaaaaaandma.

Shea: (Full volume) WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Finn: (Spoken as clear, calm and sober as a church mouse moments after Sunday service, I shit you not) You know, Mom, these little corn dogs are just warm now. They're really not too hot to eat.

Karin: (Slack-jawed and speechless)

Finn: (As he continues to eat his corndogs, literally seconds after he uttered this pronouncement with full composure and clarity, he returns to his litany of grief and abandonment) Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandma! I want my Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandma! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!