Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Terms Negotiable
FOR LEASE: One precocious yet tempestuous four-year-old girl.
Has been known on occasion to crank call 911. And then deny it.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
God, I Love This Kid
Karin: "Finn, be careful playing out front. There are cars there."
Finn, without a hint of sarcasm or attitude:
"OK. Thanks for the tip, Mom."
"OK. Thanks for the tip, Mom."
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
All Hail The Queen
Finn: "Oooooh, I can't wait to see that new Alice in Wonderland movie! There's going to be so many cool battles, and swords, and bad guys, and good guys and...."
Shea: "And PIGS!"
Shea: "And PIGS!"
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
A Wolf In Girls' Clothing
This morning, after her bath, Shea was sitting on the bathroom floor toweling off and babbling to herself. After a minute or two I overheard her shouting (in a mock alarmed tone), "Security! Security!"
So I popped my head in to investigate.
Karin: "What are you saying, Shea?"
Shea: "Security! Security!" she replied, with an impish grin.
Karin: "Do you need help with something?"
Shea: "No."
Karin: "Well, that's kinda like calling for help. Do I need to remind you of the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf?"
Shea: "Huh?"
After telling her the story, which in my version ends spectacularly with the wolf chomping the boy whole after none of the villagers came to his lying-ass rescue, her face turned from concerned to cynical.
And then she shouted right past me, louder than before:
"Security! She's telling phony stories!"
.
So I popped my head in to investigate.
Karin: "What are you saying, Shea?"
Shea: "Security! Security!" she replied, with an impish grin.
Karin: "Do you need help with something?"
Shea: "No."
Karin: "Well, that's kinda like calling for help. Do I need to remind you of the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf?"
Shea: "Huh?"
After telling her the story, which in my version ends spectacularly with the wolf chomping the boy whole after none of the villagers came to his lying-ass rescue, her face turned from concerned to cynical.
And then she shouted right past me, louder than before:
"Security! She's telling phony stories!"
.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Cutting To The (Not So) Quick
Scene: Dinner table.
John still working. Karin and Finn both finished with their meals, while Shea flexes her champion stalling muscles by firing one question after another to nobody in particular.
Shea: "Why do we eat rice?"
Shea: "Why do we get wreaths?"
Shea: "Why do we sing?"
Shea: "Why do we have vineyards?"
Shea: "Why do we use forks?"
Shea: "Why do we...
Finn: "...TALK SO MUCH?!?"
John still working. Karin and Finn both finished with their meals, while Shea flexes her champion stalling muscles by firing one question after another to nobody in particular.
Shea: "Why do we eat rice?"
Shea: "Why do we get wreaths?"
Shea: "Why do we sing?"
Shea: "Why do we have vineyards?"
Shea: "Why do we use forks?"
Shea: "Why do we...
Finn: "...TALK SO MUCH?!?"
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Aspirations
Shea, at age 4 1/2, wants to be when she grows up:
"An airplane flier (a pilot) and the guy who takes the tickets at the movie feeter."
Just so you know.
"An airplane flier (a pilot) and the guy who takes the tickets at the movie feeter."
Just so you know.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Our Resident Lexicographer
Shea: "Mom, I'm very, very, very, very, very FRUSTRATED."
* beat *
Shea: "Mom, what does frustrated mean?"
* beat *
Shea: "Mom, what does frustrated mean?"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Dethroned
Let's face it: Shea's a lovely girl, but girlfriend can be kinda bossy. Especially with her patient, indulgent older brother.
But even Finn sometimes gets fed up. Like he did this morning.
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come in here and fix the TV for me!"
Finn: (No response. Keeps working on his Sodoku puzzle.)
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come help me!"
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come over here right now!"
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, you need to do this for me!"
Finn: "It's not like you're my QUEEN or anything, so I'm not going to!"
But even Finn sometimes gets fed up. Like he did this morning.
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come in here and fix the TV for me!"
Finn: (No response. Keeps working on his Sodoku puzzle.)
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come help me!"
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come over here right now!"
Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, you need to do this for me!"
Finn: "It's not like you're my QUEEN or anything, so I'm not going to!"
Monday, October 05, 2009
Getting It
Finn: "Scarecrow doesn't have a brain but he's the one with all the ideas. Weird, right?"
Friday, October 02, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Yin And Yang
Once again, my children remind me of their polar opposition on most topics:
Shea: "Mommy, ______ got a time out in school again today."
Karin: "Oh no. Have you ever gotten a time out in school, Shea?"
Shea: "No."
Finn: "Me neither!"
Karin: "Good for you guys. It's not cool to get in trouble in school; it's a waste of everyone's time. So remind me again: Why do we go to school?"
(Blurting out their answers at the exact same time:)
Finn: "To learn."
Shea: "So we won't go to jail."
Shea: "Mommy, ______ got a time out in school again today."
Karin: "Oh no. Have you ever gotten a time out in school, Shea?"
Shea: "No."
Finn: "Me neither!"
Karin: "Good for you guys. It's not cool to get in trouble in school; it's a waste of everyone's time. So remind me again: Why do we go to school?"
(Blurting out their answers at the exact same time:)
Finn: "To learn."
Shea: "So we won't go to jail."
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