On Top Of The World

Terms Negotiable

FOR LEASE: One precocious yet tempestuous four-year-old girl.

Has been known on occasion to crank call 911. And then deny it.

God, I Love This Kid

Karin: "Finn, be careful playing out front. There are cars there."

Finn, without a hint of sarcasm or attitude:
"OK. Thanks for the tip, Mom."

All Hail The Queen

Finn: "Oooooh, I can't wait to see that new Alice in Wonderland movie! There's going to be so many cool battles, and swords, and bad guys, and good guys and...."

Shea: "And PIGS!"

Hope You Have A Great One

A Wolf In Girls' Clothing

This morning, after her bath, Shea was sitting on the bathroom floor toweling off and babbling to herself. After a minute or two I overheard her shouting (in a mock alarmed tone), "Security! Security!"

So I popped my head in to investigate.

Karin: "What are you saying, Shea?"

Shea: "Security! Security!" she replied, with an impish grin.

Karin: "Do you need help with something?"

Shea: "No."

Karin: "Well, that's kinda like calling for help. Do I need to remind you of the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf?"

Shea: "Huh?"

After telling her the story, which in my version ends spectacularly with the wolf chomping the boy whole after none of the villagers came to his lying-ass rescue, her face turned from concerned to cynical.

And then she shouted right past me, louder than before:

"Security! She's telling phony stories!"


.

Cutting To The (Not So) Quick

Scene: Dinner table.

John still working. Karin and Finn both finished with their meals, while Shea flexes her champion stalling muscles by firing one question after another to nobody in particular.

Shea: "Why do we eat rice?"

Shea: "Why do we get wreaths?"

Shea: "Why do we sing?"

Shea: "Why do we have vineyards?"

Shea: "Why do we use forks?"

Shea: "Why do we...

Finn: "...TALK SO MUCH?!?"

Going, Going, GONE!

Aspirations

Shea, at age 4 1/2, wants to be when she grows up:

"An airplane flier (a pilot) and the guy who takes the tickets at the movie feeter."

Just so you know.

Preschool Crafts To Thrill You

Our Resident Lexicographer

Shea: "Mom, I'm very, very, very, very, very FRUSTRATED."

* beat *

Shea: "Mom, what does frustrated mean?"

Dethroned

Let's face it: Shea's a lovely girl, but girlfriend can be kinda bossy. Especially with her patient, indulgent older brother.

But even Finn sometimes gets fed up. Like he did this morning.

Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come in here and fix the TV for me!"

Finn: (No response. Keeps working on his Sodoku puzzle.)

Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come help me!"

Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, come over here right now!"

Shea: "Fiiiinnnnnnn, you need to do this for me!"

Finn: "It's not like you're my QUEEN or anything, so I'm not going to!"

Getting It

Finn: "Scarecrow doesn't have a brain but he's the one with all the ideas. Weird, right?"

Bloom

Yin And Yang

Once again, my children remind me of their polar opposition on most topics:

Shea: "Mommy, ______ got a time out in school again today."

Karin: "Oh no. Have you ever gotten a time out in school, Shea?"

Shea: "No."

Finn: "Me neither!"

Karin: "Good for you guys. It's not cool to get in trouble in school; it's a waste of everyone's time. So remind me again: Why do we go to school?"

(Blurting out their answers at the exact same time:)

Finn: "To learn."

Shea: "So we won't go to jail."